Posts Tagged ‘introverted’

Introverted

Posted: April 21, 2011 in Uncategorized
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I am extremely introverted.

I spend most of my day writing blogs about my menial life hoping that someone out there will engage me in conversation because I’m scared to death of talking to anyone face to face.  How did I get through life being like this?  It’s a mystery.

Even as a kid I found it hard to talk to people I didn’t know.  That could have been a good or a bad thing.   It was good in the sense that I didn’t talk to strangers but bad because I bottled everything up inside.  Strangers aren’t who we have to be afraid of, it’s those that are closest to us.

Some might say I have anxiety issues.  I might agree with them.  Meeting someone knew means my heart races, I get stomach cramps, I get sweaty and my whole body goes tense.  I think to myself the person won’t like me or I’ll do something stupid and they’ll think I’m an idiot.  I strive to gain their approval when I don’t need to and when they already approve of me.

Trying new things freaks me out too.  I hate starting a new job but not for the reasons you might think.  Everyone is nervous on their first day of work but my nerves get so bad that I would rather not go in.  Then it all starts again.  I think people are going to see me as a doufus, my body gets all sweaty, sometimes I can’t get the words out of my mouth or I’ll think something I say is really intelligent but it’s not.  I think people are just waiting for me to screw up and this is even when I go buy a carton of milk.

It’s not that I don’t want to go anywhere, I have a paralyzing fear of going to unfamiliar places.  I will make up excuse after excuse why I can’t go.  Sometimes I just have to force myself to go because I don’t have any other choice.  I have to pay the rent.  I have to eat.

I know that if I could, I’d stay in the house all the time.  I used to long for time with friends but not anymore.  Now it’s a chore to have them over so I just don’t bother.  Plus I don’t have a lot of friends because I’m so introverted.  I think it’s becoming a problem but when has someone like me ever gone for help on their own?

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